The Barbed Wire Heart

So we ‘ad this ‘ere feller on the table, ‘an we ripped open ‘is chest. The blood that fell out of ‘im an’ spilled on the floor we ‘ad little Jimmy sweep it up an’ pour it back in ‘is mouth- we didn’t want ‘im dyin’ on us or nuthin’… at least not yet anyways.

We wus gonna ‘av some lunch before we started the operation, but as the guy’s wife was screamin’ at the window we thought we’d better get on with it, so we got out the barbed wire an’ all sat round the table to watch. ‘e was alive on the table but we’d put ‘im under with a hard knock on the ‘ead and ‘e wasn’t going nowhere, not with ‘is ribcage all splayed open and ‘is intestines all lolling around underneath ’is flesh, like.

‘is ‘eart were beatin’ ten t’ dozen, an’ we attached the barbed wire around it and be’ind so it ‘ooked onto ‘is spine.  The wire were attached to a timer that made it go tighter e’ry hour and we would wait an’ see if ‘is ‘eart would know to reduce it’s beatin’, like. We dunnit on uvers before, but they’d all died after a couple o’ hours, on account of the wire diggin’ in an’ rippin’ ‘em t’ shreds.

We set ‘im up and went for some lunch down pub with intention of havin’ some pie an’ booze. On way back the lads set about trappin’ some dogs and tyin’ ‘em together, an’ we ‘ad a right laugh all down the street on way back to the ‘ouse.

An’ then we went back in and found that ‘e ‘adn’t died! ‘is ‘eart had shrunk it’s beatin’ and the wire weren’t even nowhere near touchin’ it. We all looked at ‘im for a couple o’ minutes, passed out on the table with this ‘ere barbed wire all wrapped in ‘is insides. It were a bloody miracle! Finally we’d made someone’s ‘eart diminish under threat o’ death. It were like all our Christmases ‘ad come at once, covered in blood and with spiky bits diggin’ into organs and that.

A bit later on though we found that ‘is ‘eart ‘and’t shrunk at all, rather ‘is wife ‘ad come in and moved the wire a bit away from it so ‘e wouldn’t die a ‘orrible death.  Love ‘ad saved ‘im and we were all ‘umbled, and our ‘earts ‘ad never bled so much, so to speak. But then we moved the wire back an’ waited for ‘im to die. No point letting’ ‘im live now, not that we’d found ‘is wife ‘idin in the closet and we’d slit ‘er throat, like.

23 responses to “The Barbed Wire Heart

  1. Hell Anna, I’m not sure you Enter Competitions, but I wanted to let you know about Our/The Dark Globe’s Create A World Writing Contest that Starts today, and runs through April 14th, U.S. PST Time.

    Basically you get up to 1,200 Words (No Minimum) to Write a Short Story, or Part of a Story… The Info. on it is Here Hell Chica, how have you been

    Just wanted to let you know about The New Dark Globe Create A World Writing Contest… Here’s The Info on it Hell Chica, how have you been

    Just wanted to let you know about The New Dark Globe Create A World Writing Contest… Here’s The Info on it http://thedarkglobe.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/let-the-games-begin-the-dark-globe-create-a-world-writing-contest-has-officiall-begun/

    It “Can” be something that you’ve already Written, I just thought it would be a good way to showoff some of your work… You definitely have some Brilliant Work that you could Submit… Or Write a Fresh Piece

    All Submissions are Also Posted By Me on the Site, so The Readers can see them as well

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know

    Hope you are Well

    DarkJade-

    • Holy Hell I tried to Paste you the Link, accidentally Posted you part of a Comment to someone else, ha… I’m sorry Anna, you can Delete That whole Comment if you’d like or just Edit/Erase this part “Hell Chica, how have you been

      Just wanted to let you know about The New Dark Globe Create A World Writing Contest… Here’s The Info on it Hell Chica, how have you been

      Just wanted to let you know about The New Dark Globe Create A World Writing Contest… Here’s The Info on it ”

      Ha, I blame my cat, he woke me up too early, and now I’m making early morning mistakes, ha

      Thanks Anna

      DarkJade-

  2. (Note to self: Don’t read Anna at tea. The tea ends up shooting out your nose.) This is such a clever one. It reads like a hybrid of Hostel and Saw, as if written by Peter Cook. There was a big guy, a groundskeeper character named Lol in a Judi Dench series called “As Time Goes By”. I imagined him speaking the whole time!

  3. BAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I fucking love this! I had to read it twice, it’s exactly like I talk up my end, it could almost be me mutilating people! :D You never fail to brighten up my Mondays!

    • I’m glad you liked it! And I have missed you! How are things in work land?

      • Busy busy busy and stressful but I’m in charge so it’s all good really. I prefer to be stressed and busy rather than bored and useless. Hope things are going well at yours and you haven’t introduced your mutilated pigeons to your work colleagues yet!

      • Things are alright over here, thanks! I survived my three month probation review anyway, and I still have all my limbs etc. Can’t complain.

  4. Love it, Anna. A well-crafted rant against group thuggery behind the irony. Lord of the flies with a slick Swift Dickensian accent. (If enough people agree on something, anything, it passes for justice.)
    Makes me think of Dick Cheney’s heart transplant in a sideways kind of way. ..(yeah, big surprise that guy’s heart turned out to be a bad one. A friend of mine suggested he had hoped the donor was a dred-locked patchoui scented Rastafarian.

    .
    NIce work!

    • That would have been so sweet. I vaugely remember an article somewhere which documented a male American tree-logger who had a kidney transplant from a female, and then all of a sudden he took up knitting. I can only imagine how very awesome Cheney’s heart transplant would have been if such a thing were true!

      • Oh, that is a great story. Have you ever read “A STolenTongue by Sheri Holman? A creepy tale of this priest infatuated with a dead saint. ..and on a quest to find. . . ;) She’s also got one called “The Dress Lodger,” that one is about a baby with a dying heart. It’s one of my alltime favorites.

      • I haven’t, but it sounds like my kind of thing- I shall add it to my list of stuff to read! Thank you Tess :)

  5. Very well done.. love it.

  6. Holy crap to hell, I think you’ve outdone yerself, you have. A heartwarming story, this, so to speak.

    • Why thank you, trailertrashdeluxe! Heartwarming it is indeed, an’ after we’ve cooked it reet through, we’ll get to some brainwarming :D

      • Why, I’m gormed if little Davey Copperfield hisself could of handled the King’s English better, him. A right fine piece of pen work. We’ll be biling up the brains good ‘n’ proper!
        (With all apologies)

  7. Lol Holy Hell, lol

    That is very cool, haven’t seen Writing Quite Like that… Like right through the Eyes of The Leader… Well, I pictured there bein a Leader tellen the Tale… For some reason I Pictured the Creatures (though I guess they were men?) doin the Surgery as kinda looken like “The Skeksis” in “The Dark Crystal” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dark_Crystal not sure if you ever saw that… But for some reason in your telling, I pictured them looken like them.
    More Vicious Muppet than Man!! Lol

    Anyway, this is Written in a very cool way… A completely different/altered world was the general vibe I got… Though your writing generally does feel like it’s in a different/altered reality rather.

    This “We set ‘im up and went for some lunch down pub with intention of havin’ some pie an’ booze. On way back the lads set about trappin’ some dogs and tyin’ ‘em together, an’ we ‘ad a right laugh all down the street on way back to the ‘ouse.” was very Experientially Encompassing… I almost felt like I was along Laughing with them, but always as Seen Through The Leaders Eyes… And thus I felt like the Leader, but with you pullen the strings, lol

    Anyway, Brilliant Anna… This Piece Definitely Stands on its own.

    It’s like some Demented Fairytale Like Short Storybook, Which Goblins and such might read to their Children before they go to sleep, ha

    Goblin Children – “Yay!! They Slit The Human Wife’s Throat!!”
    Goblin Mother – “You see… I told you it was a Happy Story… Now straight to bed with yah”

    Lol

    Well done

    DarkJade-

    • Ha, thank you! No goblins here though… the greatest of evils are always conducted by human beings, my dearest DarkJade! Those monsters under your bed? Never mind them… I’m lurking in your closet :D

  8. Haha! I laughed out loud at “It were a bloody miracle!” This guy reminds me a bit of that feller I had drinkin yer tater mead.

Splurge your Innards!

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