Smelly the Goat

Once upon a time, there lived a smelly goat. Smelly lived on a big hill with lots of other goats in a kind farmer’s field, where every day he could graze on fresh, lovely grass and bask in the bright sunshine. But Smelly the Goat wasn’t very happy… he was much smellier than any of the other goats, who were all clean and smell-free, and who were very mean to Smelly about his smelliness. The other goats would laugh at Smelly and make him feel sad. Smelly wasn’t allowed to eat with the other goats, or play with them, or wash with them, which confused Smelly as this only contributed to his smelliness and made them laugh more. Smelly was very sad, and every night closed his eyes, and wished with his whole heart that one day he would be allowed to play with all of the other goats that Smelly considered his friends, even though they were very mean to him.

Then one day, while Mean Goat (the meanest goat of all) was laughing at Smelly for being smelly, Smelly suddenly felt full of courage. Smelly came to the other goats and told them proudly, ‘I might be very smelly, and you might be very clean. But do we not eat the same grass? Do we not all bask in the same sunshine? Are we not so alike? Afterall, what is cleanliness without smelliness? What is light without the dark? And what is life without friendship?’. With these words, Mean Goat saw that Smelly was just as nice and kind and goat-like as all the other goats, albeit a bit more smelly, and he smiled, and together they walked to go and play with the rest of the goats in the happy sunshine.

Smelly’s wish had come true! Now he was free to feed and play and make friends with all of the other goats, who loved him as he was: a smelly goat. Sometimes the smelliness would overcome them and several would pass out at once, but Smelly had never been happier! He faced each day with a smile on his face, and with love in his heart for all that he knew.

The day after that, the kind farmer came and took Smelly out of the field and into the barn. Smelly was very excited as he hadn’t been to the barn before! He bounded after the farmer, looking forward to telling his friends of his exciting adventure when he returned. In the barn, the kind farmer said to Smelly, ‘You’re a fucking disgrace to this farm, and you smell like shit’, drew out a shotgun, and blasted Smelly through the face. He took Smelly’s body, cut it up with a meat cleaver, and fed it raw to his dogs, which they enjoyed very much. He threw Smelly’s internal organs in the bin, musing on the interesting gloopy sound they made as they reached the bottom. He burned the remnants of Smelly’s head in the incinerator, and cast the ashes onto the floor, spitting on them as he left the barn.

Then the kind farmer wandered home to have his tea, laughing to himself as he thought of how smelly that goddamn fucking goat had been, and how he probably should have killed him sooner.

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About Anna

Author of the Insanity Aquarium. Current fears include time as a concept, the squishiness of my right eyeball, and not being able to open this jar.
This entry was posted in Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Smelly the Goat

  1. After I originally left a comment I appear to have
    clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox
    and from now on each time a comment is added
    I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. There
    has to be a way you can remove me from that service?
    Thanks a lot!

    Like

  2. Anne Schilde says:

    Childhood memories of “the barn” had me convinced Smelly was dinner. :-/

    Like

  3. Summer Said says:

    This is positively tragic. I won’t sleep a wink tonight. Thanks. I have a big meeting first thing in the morning. I’m traumatized. Poor goat.

    Like

  4. hahaha… I know I’m a bit behind the times cos I’ve been under a bit of a rock lately, unable to keep up with events in blogland but… hahaha :)

    Love it :)

    Like

  5. Val says:

    Having read your posts in reverse order, I was kinda expecing poor old smelly to come to a sticky (or slimey) end. Still loved it though.

    Were you brought on zombie stories or something?

    Like

    • Anna says:

      Thank you so much for liking and commenting on all of the posts that you have done tonight. I really do appreciate it and to be honest, your kind words have really perked me up this evening :) It’s always nice to gain a new reader!

      And unfortunately, I wasn’t brought up on zombie stories… just the usual Humpty Dumpty and the suchlike. Although nursery rhymes do contain a suprisingly generous lump of darkness! Maybe that goes some way to explaining it? :)

      Thanks again for all your comments!

      Like

  6. kaostheory says:

    I’m a big fan of sharp and immediate veering off into pitch blackness and this was no exception. Well done.

    Like

  7. Pete Howorth says:

    Ahahahahaha! Stupid goat! Teach him to get a wash next time…

    …Oh wait…

    :(

    Like

  8. Flynnie says:

    Smelly Goat has me in tears here, “alas and farewell poor smelly goat”
    you lived a crap life, but went willingly and happily to your crappy end.
    You will never be forgotten and will be thought upon fondly by me, often.

    Anna, I love it, it’s life as we know it x

    Like

    • Anna says:

      Thanks so much for your comment! Life as we know it indeed. One day someone’s going to take me into the barn and shoot me. I just hope I’ve had my fill of Father Ted and cake…

      Like

  9. Zoe says:

    The world isn’t all tulips and rainbows. Sometimes it is stink and barn death. :) I liked it. Now I’ll go write about how I would cook Stinky in my blog. :))

    Like

    • Anna says:

      How incredibly disturbing. I love it! Make sure you cook him well enough to get rid of all the disease and general smell.

      Like

  10. teztezza says:

    Love this story!
    You cheer ,then moan at poor old smellys death. Sums up life,finally find happiness then you get fed to the dogs.
    Abit insulting from the person that thought they could write the ending of the story better than you. I would not be pleased if someone did that to one of my stories.
    Keep up the wonderfully charming yet dark blogs. I look forward to the next one!

    Like

  11. innersixx says:

    Later that night the farmer went to bed, around 2AM he heard a loud cracking sound at his door. Not wanting to get up he tried to go back to sleep but the cracking sound got louder and louder. Finally, after being pissed off from being woken up he got out of his bed and walked nakedly towards his door. He opened it but didn’t see anything.

    The farmer walked down the hall, “Might as well take a piss since I’m up” he told himself. As he was in the bathroom doing his business he heard a loud thumping noise coming from behind the shower curtain. The farmer pulled the curtain bath and nearly had a heart attack..

    It was the ghost of Smelly. The ghost proceeded to rip the limbs off of the farmer. The farmer was found days later, decapitated naked in his bathroom. It was only then that Smelly could finally move onto goat Heaven.

    ——————
    Hope you don’t mind that I finished it.

    Like

  12. nickelbeck says:

    I thought, “Right on, Smelly” when he addressed the others. I cheered even. Then when the Farmer took him, I found myself yelling “NNNNNOOOOOOO SMELLY!” Then i laughed. Great story.

    Like

    • Anna says:

      Thank you so much! I found myself yelling that aswell, even though I was the one writing it. Poor Smelly!

      Like

  13. It is disturbing but perversely amusing in a vintage Grimm’s fairy tale kind of way. Hopefully the goat didn’t know what was coming. I’m intrigued to see what else you will share.

    Like

    • Anna says:

      What a fantastic reply! I feel so honoured that I shall henceforth wear a nice, shiny hat. Now, to find a nice, shiny hat…

      Like

  14. I would not say that i enjoyed reading this. However, I must add that it was quite insightful. Also, if I were you, I would remove ‘Children Stories’ from under tags. It was one, only until the farmer killed Smelly.

    Cheers!

    Like

  15. tezcatlipoca2011 says:

    The last sentence made me laugh for some strange reason.

    “Friendship is Universal”

    Like

  16. innersixx says:

    At least the goat died happy…I guess thats all anyone can ask for.

    Like

    • Anna says:

      Yes! I’m glad you got that from it… being able to find a small piece of happiness in a big pot of gore is the best possible reaction I could have hoped for.

      Although I still feel sorry for Smelly. Curse this brain!

      Like

  17. Anna says:

    For the record, writing this story left me feeling rather disturbed.

    Like

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