Smelly the Goat

Once upon a time, there lived a smelly goat. Smelly lived on a big hill with lots of other goats in a kind farmer’s field, where every day he could graze on fresh, lovely grass and bask in the bright sunshine. But Smelly the Goat wasn’t very happy… he was much smellier than any of the other goats, who were all clean and smell-free, and who were very mean to Smelly about his smelliness. The other goats would laugh at Smelly and make him feel sad. Smelly wasn’t allowed to eat with the other goats, or play with them, or wash with them, which confused Smelly as this only contributed to his smelliness and made them laugh more. Smelly was very sad, and every night closed his eyes, and wished with his whole heart that one day he would be allowed to play with all of the other goats that Smelly considered his friends, even though they were very mean to him.

Then one day, while Mean Goat (the meanest goat of all) was laughing at Smelly for being smelly, Smelly suddenly felt full of courage. Smelly came to the other goats and told them proudly, ‘I might be very smelly, and you might be very clean. But do we not eat the same grass? Do we not all bask in the same sunshine? Are we not so alike? Afterall, what is cleanliness without smelliness? What is light without the dark? And what is life without friendship?’. With these words, Mean Goat saw that Smelly was just as nice and kind and goat-like as all the other goats, albeit a bit more smelly, and he smiled, and together they walked to go and play with the rest of the goats in the happy sunshine.

Smelly’s wish had come true! Now he was free to feed and play and make friends with all of the other goats, who loved him as he was: a smelly goat. Sometimes the smelliness would overcome them and several would pass out at once, but Smelly had never been happier! He faced each day with a smile on his face, and with love in his heart for all that he knew.

The day after that, the kind farmer came and took Smelly out of the field and into the barn. Smelly was very excited as he hadn’t been to the barn before! He bounded after the farmer, looking forward to telling his friends of his exciting adventure when he returned. In the barn, the kind farmer said to Smelly, ‘You’re a fucking disgrace to this farm, and you smell like shit’, drew out a shotgun, and blasted Smelly through the face. He took Smelly’s body, cut it up with a meat cleaver, and fed it raw to his dogs, which they enjoyed very much. He threw Smelly’s internal organs in the bin, musing on the interesting gloopy sound they made as they reached the bottom. He burned the remnants of Smelly’s head in the incinerator, and cast the ashes onto the floor, spitting on them as he left the barn.

Then the kind farmer wandered home to have his tea, laughing to himself as he thought of how smelly that goddamn fucking goat had been, and how he probably should have killed him sooner.