The Barbed Wire Heart

So we ‘ad this ‘ere feller on the table, ‘an we ripped open ‘is chest. The blood that fell out of ‘im an’ spilled on the floor we ‘ad little Jimmy sweep it up an’ pour it back in ‘is mouth- we didn’t want ‘im dyin’ on us or nuthin’… at least not yet anyways.

We wus gonna ‘av some lunch before we started the operation, but as the guy’s wife was screamin’ at the window we thought we’d better get on with it, so we got out the barbed wire an’ all sat round the table to watch. ‘e was alive on the table but we’d put ‘im under with a hard knock on the ‘ead and ‘e wasn’t going nowhere, not with ‘is ribcage all splayed open and ‘is intestines all lolling around underneath ’is flesh, like.

‘is ‘eart were beatin’ ten t’ dozen, an’ we attached the barbed wire around it and be’ind so it ‘ooked onto ‘is spine.  The wire were attached to a timer that made it go tighter e’ry hour and we would wait an’ see if ‘is ‘eart would know to reduce it’s beatin’, like. We dunnit on uvers before, but they’d all died after a couple o’ hours, on account of the wire diggin’ in an’ rippin’ ‘em t’ shreds.

We set ‘im up and went for some lunch down pub with intention of havin’ some pie an’ booze. On way back the lads set about trappin’ some dogs and tyin’ ‘em together, an’ we ‘ad a right laugh all down the street on way back to the ‘ouse.

An’ then we went back in and found that ‘e ‘adn’t died! ‘is ‘eart had shrunk it’s beatin’ and the wire weren’t even nowhere near touchin’ it. We all looked at ‘im for a couple o’ minutes, passed out on the table with this ‘ere barbed wire all wrapped in ‘is insides. It were a bloody miracle! Finally we’d made someone’s ‘eart diminish under threat o’ death. It were like all our Christmases ‘ad come at once, covered in blood and with spiky bits diggin’ into organs and that.

A bit later on though we found that ‘is ‘eart ‘and’t shrunk at all, rather ‘is wife ‘ad come in and moved the wire a bit away from it so ‘e wouldn’t die a ‘orrible death.  Love ‘ad saved ‘im and we were all ‘umbled, and our ‘earts ‘ad never bled so much, so to speak. But then we moved the wire back an’ waited for ‘im to die. No point letting’ ‘im live now, not that we’d found ‘is wife ‘idin in the closet and we’d slit ‘er throat, like.