Murdozadine

‘Next please!’

I stood up, straightened my skirt like all common women, and made my way into the doctor’s room. The doctor cut straight to the chase.

‘There’s a new anti-depressant’, he said, purple teeth shining under the bright sterile lights, ‘it’s called Murdozadine and does all sorts of wondrous things’.

‘Sound a little… murderous’, I feebly commented.

‘Hmm yes, it does rather, doesn’t it? I hadn’t thought of that!’ He threw his head back and laughed, ‘Aha-ha-ha-ahahaha! Now, the thing you need to know about it is that it makes you feel like you’re on a beach- totally blissful, like you don’t have a care in the world’.

‘Sounds great!’

‘Yes, rather, but then there is the other thing about it as well’.

‘Which is?’

‘Well you’re on this beach which is great, yes? And you’re sipping a frothy pina colada, which is also great, yes? Well then imagine that all these lovely things are happening, and then you get to stab the nice waitress in the face and claw out her eyes and then wear them as earrings’.

A slight pause. ‘What?’

‘Murdozadine makes you feel on top of the world, but only why you’re sucking the soul out of other people, so-to-speak,’ he laughed again, and I could see right up his nose to his brain. ‘It’s a way of making sad people feel good while they kill each other off, if they’re on the same drug. And you can do it any way, you know- stab someone with a pitchfork, shoot them in the face with a potato gun. I even heard of someone that fed someone else the pills and they battled it out in the street, using stray cats as furry improvised maces. Genius!’

‘But… why?’

He shrugged. ‘It’s the best thing to do, really. There’s a thin line between homicide and suicide, yes? We let you tear each other to pieces so you can go into death smiling. Most humane thing to do, yes?’

‘But being depressed doesn’t mean you want to die, not all the time’.

‘Well we all die anyway, don’t we? We’re just kind of alleviating the suffering, yes? You’d do better to stop with the questions and just take the pills, you’ll feel better for it. It’s a pretty entertaining way to go anyway, and I haven’t had much of a laugh today,’ he said, laughing.

I took the pills from him and swallowed them, almost convinced that it was the best thing to do. But then of course it was, and I stabbed him in the face confidently with his pencil, and started laughing myself. Then I shoved his body under the desk next to the other body that was under there, removed his doctor’s jacket to dress myself with, and sat in his chair.

‘Next, please!’