We had met for coffee and had spent most of the afternoon sitting on a wall and throwing small rocks at children’s balloons. It had been a glorious summer day amidst the surrounding weeks of black cloud and acid rain, and the community was out in force celebrating with balloons, while we were celebrating with small rocks. Occasionally one would land in a child’s eye and we would laugh raucously before selecting our next target; sat on our very own wall, eating ice-cream. We had only been friends for a few days, my new friend and I, but the days had been wonderful. I hadn’t yet bothered to learn her name as with all the new friends I’d met recently, they had all come to some sort of suspicious grisly end. I had therefore decided not to waste time on meaningful name exchanging, and instead we took pleasure in crushing children’s dreams and setting fire to their houses. Before long I had invited her round to my house to sample the epic delights of the purple cat-dog picture which hung in our living room and the bizarre mop water smell that was constantly present in the kitchen. I was sure we were going to be friends for a long, long time.
I hadn’t had anyone to my house in weeks as there was very little to do. We had a couple of games of Scrabble and rode down the stairs on tea trays before collapsing on the sofa and having some ginger biscuits. It was all going swimmingly until the honest section of my mind erupted through my mouth.
‘I’m sorry there isn’t much else to do… we were going to buy Hungry Hippos a couple of weeks back, but then there was that hippo shortage and they didn’t have any to staple onto the plastic boards anymore’.
She said it was fine, but my social faux pa sense was melting out of my nose, so I announced an idea that C. S. Lewis himself would have been proud of.
‘We do have a loft that we’ve never been in, we could go exploring?’
And so it was settled.
Using a suitcase for leverage, my new friend pulled herself into the loft space and declared how dirty her hands were getting. It was a little dark- we never opened the blinds in the spare room incase old people saw our genitalia- so I passed her my phone to light the way.
There was dead silence. I looked up and saw my friend pull herself further into the depths of the loft. After a few moments of waiting around and looking at the damp above the doorframe, I stood on the suitcase and followed her up there, managing to pull the light cord in the loft which had slipped my mind previously. The large furry panda which lived in my loft had my friend’s legs dangling out of his mouth and was waving his arms around contentedly. We acknowledged each other with a casual nod, and he kicked my phone back over to me. I exited the loft, switched off the light and closed the panel over my head before going downstairs to wash my hands.
It was time to make another friend.