The weeks had passed in a pall of sorrow and grey. Sometimes it was quite beautiful, the sombre nature of loss; other times bathtub was a fitting conclusion, a place to submerge my head beneath the water and feel my lungs palpitate with absolute frenzy. I had visitors, they ascended the stairs with a sense of self-righteousness and regurgitated notions of the warmth of the afterlife. They took my biscuits and offered advice, and in my head I liked to imagine the angels came and danced you into your grave, engrossed by their own indecency and the resonance of their own laughter. But most of all I liked to lay in bed and think about you rotting in the ground, a delicious insincerity against the warmth of the afterlife, personified in decomposing flesh and the scent of carrion.

I sat in my chair and let the blood from my wrists fall over the edges of the arms, and land on the carpet, the crimson circle growing larger around my feet with every minute. I counted the drips which fell as my life faded away and reached the beyond the realms of Graham’s number; my infinity was purely mathematical, and I had not encountered the face of God. I saw my life stretch out in an infinite number of directions, reaching different infinities all at the same time with each blood drop which seeped into the carpet. In the last moments of consciousness, I managed to laugh at the irony of it all.

11 thoughts on “Infinity

  1. This is so beautiful!

    It’s kind of funny. I could cut my wrists in the bathtub a thousand times, in spite of how much I hate bleeding to death… Submerging myself palpitated me beyond frenzy in a second!!

    You need to cut your wrists in the bath once. The droplets make flowers in the water… exploding flowers like fireworks in the sky. Then they get all murky and depressing and dull like a bunch of polluted aftermath and death and stuff. But it’s cool at first, you know, before the part that kind of sucks.

    Haha, stupid angels!


    1. You have no idea how beautiful that prospect sounds. I can’t take baths though as I always end up passing out (accursed Diabetic body!), and I doubt it would prove as exciting in the shower. Thank you for your lovely comment Annie, you’re always sat in the same dark space I am, and I thank you for it :)


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